she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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