nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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