I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
