Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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