it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize