I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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