that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
