Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
