the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
