I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
