so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
