you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
