So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
