i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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