So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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