Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize