Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
