Whod you bang
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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