if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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