How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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