god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I look better un-naked...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
