Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can Purell be used as lube?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize