Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
