i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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