Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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