Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize