she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
