when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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