I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
