Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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