p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
