yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
