just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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