So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
