Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
