It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
