I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
