So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
