Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
