he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I had to cum in my sink.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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