I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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