This girl is more easily done than said...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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