Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
