Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
