my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
