I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
