im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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