mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
