im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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