Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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