Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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