omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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