I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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