My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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