you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
