Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
