you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
