apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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