you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
did you just send me my own nude
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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