he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish I only lived at night.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
