would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
