I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize