Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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