I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
