And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
