I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
