Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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