You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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