Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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