If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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