he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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