Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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