Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
