Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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