Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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