I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
