Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
