Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
