I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
party gras won. party gras always wins.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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