This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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