yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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