Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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