she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
