...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
