I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
