did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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