OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
