I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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