Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize