I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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