I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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