You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
