you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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