Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
