i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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