I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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