Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
someone owes me an orgasm
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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